🔗 Share this article

Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to learn that an online journalist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college to use the facilities back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered through the school as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team post a quick discussion within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Live Updates

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|