Former English captain Lewis Moody has announced he has been identified with motor neurone disease and stated he cannot yet face the full consequences of the muscle-wasting condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was a member of the 2003 championship side and secured numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast 14 days after finding out he has the condition.
"There's something about confronting what lies ahead and not wanting to fully comprehend that at the minute," he commented.
"This doesn't mean I fail to comprehend where it's going. We grasp that. But there is definitely a reluctance to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, speaking together with his wife Annie, says rather he feels "peaceful" as he directs his attention to his immediate health, his family and getting ready for when the disease progresses.
"Maybe that's shock or maybe I deal with matters uniquely, and when I have the information, it's more manageable," he added.
First Signs
Moody discovered he had MND after detecting some weakness in his shoulder area while exercising in the gym.
After physical therapy failed to improve the problem, a series of scans indicated nerve cells in his brain and spinal cord had been damaged by MND.
"You're given this diagnosis of MND and we're rightly very emotional about it, but it's rather peculiar because I sense that nothing's wrong," he remarked.
"I don't sense unwell. I don't feel unwell
"My symptoms are rather minimal. I have some muscle wasting in the fingers and the upper arm.
"I continue to be able to accomplishing all activities. And hopefully that will persist for as long as is feasible."
Disease Advancement
MND can progress quickly.
Based on the non-profit MND Association, the illness claims a 33% of people within a year and more than half within 730 days of diagnosis, as ingestion and breathing become increasingly challenging.
Treatment can only delay decline.
"It's never me that I am upset for," stated an moved Moody.
"There's sadness around having to inform my mum - as an single child - and the implications that has for her."
Family Effect
Talking from the household with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was consumed with feeling when he spoke about telling his sons - teenage Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the traumatic news, saying: "This was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two brilliant boys and that was quite heartbreaking," Moody stated.
"We sat on the sofa in crying, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog leapt across and started cleaning the tears off our faces, which was rather amusing."
Moody explained the priority was being in the present.
"There is no solution and that is why you have to be so militantly concentrated on just embracing and appreciating all aspects now," he commented.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been truly lucky that the sole determination I made when I retired from playing was to spend as much period with the kids as possible. We won't recover those times back."
Athlete Link
Top-level competitors are disproportionately affected by MND, with investigations proposing the prevalence of the illness is up to 600% higher than in the general population.
It is believed that by restricting the oxygen obtainable and creating injury to nerve cells, frequent, strenuous exercise can trigger the illness in those already vulnerable.
Sports Professional Life
Moody, who earned 71 England appearances and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in acknowledgment of his fearless, unwavering style to the game.
He competed through a fracture of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once sparked a practice confrontation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he discarded a tackle pad and began engaging in collisions.
After entering as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the back of the line-out in the decisive passage of play, creating a platform for playmaker Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the game-deciding field goal.
Assistance System
Moody has already informed Johnson, who skippered England to that victory, and a couple of other ex- players about his diagnosis, but the others will be finding out his news with the remainder of public.
"There shall be a time when we'll need to rely on their assistance but, at the moment, just having that sort of affection and acknowledgment that people are available is what's important," he commented.
"Rugby is such a wonderful community.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even when it concluded now, I've appreciated all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"When you get to consider your enthusiasm your vocation, it's one of the greatest privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so long a period with the groups that I did it with was a pleasure. And I understand they will wish to help in any way they can and I look forward to having those conversations."
